Tuesday 13 July 2010

Dreading friday/sat..

So day two of my liquid fast. I refuse to let myself feel tired, i'm not allowed to feel weak. People fast for weeks before they get tired, i dont deserve to be feeling faint yet and lets face it its not like im gonna last long. Till thursday if im lucky, seeing as a) i've never passed the 5th day and b) friday and saturday im spending all day with my best friend and i know im gonna break down in front of her an stuff my face.
i wonder if its safe to do the salt water flush for a number of days, im planning to do it today and tomorrow. hmm.. probably not, but oh well, i just want to be clean.
I dont know whether to sleep tonight or not. I was planning on no sleep today, sleep wednesday , no sleep thursday, sleep friday etc. but i'm probably gonna go to bed tonight.
Fat, fat, fat. im so tired of it, tired and frustrated with everyone and everything. Im screwing up my relationship with my family and my friends. After saturday im not going to speak or see anyone i know and then come september 6th (first day of school) i walk in and BAM! all jaws drop, all eyes on me and i have the biggest grin on my face as i make my way across the classroom weighing 95lb (hopefully)
I just hope i can keep up and not fall off track, i just hope that i wont fall for the trap and lose all my control.
Anyways 50 days to go including to go, pray for me
Ali x

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